this is what happens when you click ‘publish’ too soon

I forgot to add, I like giving people their depot injections.

That’s right. I like sticking needles in people’s arses.

I was incredibly apprehensive when the thought of giving a depot arose. I mean, you’re stabbing someone. Okay, it’s supposed to be for their own good, non-maleficence beneficence and all that, but it scared me. But now, with a few practices, reading up on injection technique and even writing my own personal assignment on anti-psychotic depot injections in the community, I’m more confident.

Before, if a nurse had said “Hey you, give Mr. Rogers his 200mg of Clopixol I.M. as prescribed on his chart” I would have been like “err…okay?”  (i.e. I probably would’ve admitted I don’t know what I’m doing or at least been incredibly nervous beforehand). But now if a nurse said that to me, I’d be like “grab me an alcohol swab and the sharps bin please”.

Wow, just now, I thought, in a year or so I’m going to (hopefully, HOPEFULLY) be a qualified mental health nurse. Can you imagine? It feels like just a few months ago (like at least 8 months or something) I started my first year. I remember getting ready for my first day on placement (bearing in mind I’ve had no prior care experience before uni), getting changed, wearing my name badge, making sure my hair and make-up was okay and taking a picture on my camera to document it. I should’ve taken a picture on the first day back in my second year, and for my third year, and a pic of if/when/omg I graduate. I look so big in that picture I took. I guess walking up and down the wards helped lose a few pounds

it’s all coming up

I suck so badly. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even updated my personal handwritten diary. Anyway, I finished my community placement a week or two ago, sad to leave actually, I was really enjoying my time there and I was just getting to know the clients. I’m glad it was a really long placement though, it would’ve sucked and been pointless if I’d've only been there for four weeks or something.

Currently revising for an upcoming exam that no-one is looking forward to. Well actually, as long as we read up the mental health act well, then we’ve pretty much got it in the bag as it’s worth 50% of the marks, but there’s no point demonstrating to the marker that you have an amazing photographic memory of the MHA if you’re unable to explain and gain 25 marks each in the subsequent two questions that will come up in the exam. Oh, and I have an assignment due next month and an elective placement in my area with the home treatment team. Busy, busy, busy, up until the 18th of December. That’s right, we don’t finish (why am I writing ‘we’ instead of ‘me/I’?) until one week before Christmas. Though I’m sure in my first year we didn’t finish placement until two or three days before the big 2-5, so I don’t think it’s all bad.

I can see myself working with elderly people. I seem to get on well with my elders, and they deserve the greatest care they can get when they’re at that stage in their life. If I had the chance to choose two elective places to go to, my second choice would’ve been an elderly-based MH ward near where I live. Just to compare here and the placement area at uni.

Anyway, not a lot to update on. I don’t know if that’s because I’m too lazy to think and type my experiences, whether I’ve forgotten most of it or if I’m just still a bit nervous incase I type something identifiable. Meh.

I’m in lectures tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday, free next week, then the week after lectures for half the week, then the week after that…. exams and assignment submission time!!11!! So that should be great fun. Hopefully I’ll pass those and the resit I have to do, and then I can proceed happily into my third and final year.

MY THIRD AND FINAL YEAR.

What a scary thought.

blanket statement coming up

I think I definitely want to work in the community or with the elderly.

It’s not that I’ve had a bad day, it’s just the times I spend on an adult acute ward near my CMHT placement depresses me. Because I don’t feel like part of the team and I don’t seem to be learning anything.

It’d be interesting to read back on this and see if where I end up working is where I think I’d be happiest.

…

As a post-script, I don’t want to write up about my experiences in the community just yet. I doubt anyone connected with my current placement or with me at uni would be reading this, but still. I’m keeping little notes here and there on paper, so at a later date I’ll reflect back on this placement.

All I will say is:

dogs, smoking, depot, arses, shouting, boring, desk-stealing, darts.

not too bad

I don’t think I actually mentioned what my current placement is in my last post. At the moment I’m with a Community Mental Health Team near my uni (like 30 minutes away on public transport). I’m surprised with how it’s going – before, I had slightly negative connotations of community mental health teams – not in terms of how they help service users and their effectiveness, but rather I thought being with CMHT would be dull, boring, uninteresting. But it’s not too bad, you know. I’m enjoying it so far, and I especially like going out on home visits. In fact there are occasions where I just long to go out on visits – today I just spent the day stuck in the office doing uni work. It’s like, there are occasions when catching up on uni work during placement is cool, but other times I don’t wanna be doing work that I can easily do in the comfort of my my room during placement.

And it’s especially dull when I haven’t even got access to a computer. The CPN’s office is tiny – four desks but they’re usually occupied. And sometimes it’s hard to ask for one of the staff to log me in because they’re already logged into their own computer. But I’ve managed to get my own log-in details now (until I finish this placement), so…yeah.

But seriously, I’m enjoying my placement at the moment. The only niggles I have is that I’m halfway through (or rather 2/3 through my second year) and I haven’t gotten one single skill signed off yet. And there’s several skills that have to be completed before you can proceed into the third year. I’m just panicking a tiny little bit. I’m not very assertive in the first place, plus also…I dunno. I’m just hoping I can pass all that I need to to proceed into my final year of training.

It’s so weird though, today I felt really at ease. Usually on my way to placement, I feel nervous, wonder what the day holds in store for me and I’m generally just in a nervy kind of mood. Yet today I felt kind of relaxed, I wasn’t nervous, apprehensive or anything. It was almost like I was confident. Nearly. I don’t know if that’s because of my mood in general, because this placement area and the staff have been so good or if it’s just my own confidence growing as my training progresses.

Either way, I hope it continues.

heavy eyes

Placement is going okay, kinda enjoying myself. I’ve been spending some time with Community Support Team (kinda like a secondary care service for supporting people with mental illness in the community. There’s no emphasis on medication or the mental illness itself, it’s just like a support network really. It’s quite cool.

Anyway I’m hoping to go back there next week or so; I went out with one of the senior support workers and met one of his clients who said he’d enjoyed himself on our little trip to a bakery/cafe. That was lovely, and I hope to go next week to have like a continuity with service users. One thing that I don’t like when I’m out with the community/going out with a worker for outreach is that I see a service user once and then that’s it. I’m unlikely to see them again, so I can’t see what progress (if any) they may make and I only get to see a snapshot of them and their life. Going back to CST would be great especially as I don’t finish this placement till September (I think).

I’m quite tired so this entry doesn’t feel as ’solid’ as my other entries. I dunno why I’d be concerned about that, but I’ve just got disjointed thoughts about this placement that I want to note down but I’m too tired/not bothered to untangle those thoughts into a logical order that’ll make sense to me when I read back at a later date.

Anyway I’ve got a study day tomorrow and it’s in uni. We’ve got a journal we have to complete every two weeks, and I have to complete it before I go to bed. But I might just complete it during my lunchreak tomorrow if the reflection/supervision lecture is in the afternoon and if I’m too tired to do it tonight.

But yeah, placement’s not too bad. Though I have spent quite a bit of time just stuck in the office reading policies etc to while-away the time. That’s one thing I don’t like about the community – it’s kinda sedate with not a lot to do. I guess that’s good in a way because you’re supporting people in the community, in their ‘natural’ environment, so there’s less of a need to do something for someone. If that makes any kind of sense. But I prefer the ward environment – more busy and ‘hectic’ and there’s usually always something to do. Plus it’s like you’re in your comfort zone. This may sound bad but, being on a ward it’s a familiar territory, so you know what to expect what to do in certain situations etc. But in the community, although there’s more flexibility, it’s more ‘up in the air’.

Wow, I’m really not making any sense whatsoever here; think I’ll call it a night!

choices and more choices

Trying to think of where I want to go for my elective placement this year is proving difficult. I would’ve liked to have gone to CMHT services in my local area, but I think there’d be a conflict of interest (long story).

Honestly don’t know what interests me. I don’t want to go to an area that I’ve already gone to in my CFP, because it’d be like ’same old, same old’, plus it’d be a wasted opportunity.

2 hours later…

Actually scrap that idea, I’ve just spent the last 2 hours researching on local mental health services and one popped out that sounds interesting – community forensic nursing, where staff help out in the community and with in-patient services to support services users with mental health problems come back into the community from prison services. I was initially thinking of doing something forensic, mainly because I haven’t had any experience with it and it’d be an interesting learning opportunity. But I was apprehensive about going to a secure unit (even PICUs (Psychiatric Intensive Care Units) sound daunting. Maybe that’s just an unfounded fear…).

Anyway yeah, I’ll do a bit more research on Thursday or during the weekend and I may contact them when I get time (which in hindsight might have to be this Thursday cos it’s the only time I’m free for the next two weeks).

PS: I’m terribly bad at updating this. My memory is crap and I’m a bit miffed that I didn’t record anything of interest or significance during my last few weeks on my last placement. When If I get time then I’ll try and update. I don’t like forgetting stuff, it’s an awful habit.

Anyway my current placement is CMHT (Community Mental Health Team) and I’ve always been a bit ‘hmm…’ with community because I’ve no experience and it’s never struck me as something I’d find interesting, but to be honest it’s not been so bad during my first two days. I’ve given and prepared depot injections, observed duty (where a social worker or nurse are ‘on duty’ between 1 and 5pm as a kind of drop-in service for people needing support when they’re distressed etc), been on home visits (including one that occurred in a coffee shop instead) and kind of attended a Joint Allocation Meeting (JAM) where multiple disciplines attend and discuss cases that have been referred to CMHt and they sort out the appropriate services that can be offered to service users (though I was only in the meeting for three minutes before they took a break, so I barely found out what goes on).

Anyway, not a bad placement so far, hopefully I won’t end up hating it in a few days/weeks time

and it’s a quick update

Busy, busy, busy…I keep meaning to update this blog, but I find it so hard, taking hours to travel to placement because of where I live. I’m enjoying my placement though, just wish I’d get a bit more confident.

I’ve done a few activities like dispensing medication (:O omg scary!!), escorting patients, participating in OT etc. It’s Sunday evening and I haven’t really got anything to do, but I totally can’t be bothered to fully update at the moment. Just wanna take a break from uni-related stuff.

My mentor says I’m doing well, I don’t think I am (but then again I’m a pessimistic worrier, so who knows, maybe I am doing well but I just don’t know it?). I’m having fun though, hopefully it’ll last. And hopefully my subsequent placements will be enjoyable like this with understanding staff, loads of opportunities etc.

embracing the fear

I have identified I have confidence and assertion issues (i.e. I need to build up on them), therefore I’m seeking refuge in Susan Jeffers’ Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

Despite being a 2nd year, I feel so awkward and I don’t think I’m progressing much. I’m so quiet in ‘real life’ that I find it hard to shake off that demeanour when on the ward.

My personality sucks.

full circle. nearly.

So, my first placement in year 2 didn’t exactly go as planned. For some reason I was given the wrong contact details and was sent to the wrong ward. I called the department who allocates the placements, and they tried to allocate me to the place I was meant to go to, but they weren’t able to take on a student. So in the end I was sent right back to my very first placement from year 1, an elderly ward (which I loved, so at least it wasn’t a placement I really hated or anything).

On the first day I was in the ‘wrong place’, I met one of the charge nurses, who for some reason kept asking me to make cups of tea for him and even asked me to make him a Marmite and butter toast. I understand the importance of adequate nutrition and all that for clients/patients/service users/whatever you wish to say, but running about making 4+ cups of tea for the senior nurse on my first day isn’t exactly what I had in mind for my second year of studies. I wonder what I would’ve done if I’d been a more assertive person (I’d like to add that I recognise I’m not a very assertive person, nor am I very confident either) or if someone else were in my shoes.

Anyway, I didn’t think too much of him, I was kinda thrown in at the deep-end, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I mean…hmm. Anyway before I forget, it was an acute admissions ward, I very very briefly managed to remember some of the patients names and got to know a few of the staff and a bit of the ward environment. The following day I just spent most of my time in an art group, running around after prescriptions and spending an hour waiting for a measly signature to sign off my hours for that day.

The next day I went back to my year 1, placement 1 ward, and I got stuck in straight away. The advantage of going back there a year later is that I guess myself and the staff who remember me will be able to chart my progress and see if I’ve improved and moved on from being a first year to a second year student. Personally speaking I’m also glad to be back at the same place because I still remember some of the patients, and I know what the ward routine is like, so it’s not going to take me a week and a half to try and remember how things go again.

~ ~ ~

Skills Observed/Done/Both Tuesday & Wednesday:

Medication time

Participated in art group

Care notes being written

~ ~ ~

Skills Observed/Done/Both Thursday & Friday:

Feeding

Assisting patients to the toilet

Observations (BP, Pulse)

Accompanied patients (with a member of staff) to different departments

Communicated with patient with hearing difficulties

Sitting with a patient to prevent them from standing up (due to unsteady balance) and keeping them company (not so much a skill I guess…but still part of someone’s care etc).